I'm a person saying goodbye to 2009.

Just like everyone else in the world. And yeah, this will be kind of a flashback post along with a bit of goal setting. Just like everyone else has written. 2009 was a tough one for us. We started out the year with having to face the fact that the kid we thought was being fairly well behaved while he was in the care of other adults (IE. school) was starting to have some huge behavioral issues. We knew he was a tough kid. We knew it wasn't easy being his parents. But we thought he was just being himself with us since he was comfortable around us. We didn't realize how much "being himself" came into play during school hours. I don't know if we were in denial, or if we were totally delusional, but reality was pretty much shoved in our faces toward the end of his kindergarten year. He had some issues, OK some pretty big issues. We were forced to face the problems head on.

We took some assessment questionnaires (some very confusing and repetitive assessment questionnaires) and it seems that our son is on the scale for ADHD and Oppositional Defiance Disorder (I had no clue there was a name for him freaking out so much when things don't go his way). With the help of a new awesome pediatrician, a few specialists, and a lot of good friends, we spent the remainder of the year getting through it (OK having him on ADHD meds hasn't hurt either).

Colin has been less defiant, less violent, and less emotional. The key word being "less". Some days are so bad I have to leave the house to keep from going insane. Some days I just want to crawl into a hole and cry for hours. Some days I wonder what I've done as a parent to deserve the hand I've been dealt. Some days run very smoothly and I get an "I love you Mom out of the blue." Or a hug when I ask for one. I am very happy to say goodbye to 2009, and what I hope proves to be the toughest part of learning to help our son be a productive member of society. And a productive member of our family too. It was very draining trying to anticipate how he is going to react to something we know he isn't going to like, and to try and put it in a way he can understand that it isn't a slam against him.

So one of my hopes for 2010 is for us to become closer as a family, and for us to want to spend time together instead of wanting to pull a Homer and Bart choking session each time we are in the same room. I have other hopes for me, on a more personal level, and I'll share them in another post (this one is already too long!)

That is just a small amount of what we've been through in 2009, I guess I shared it with you so you have a better understanding of why I've backed off on my blogging, and why they've been such superficial posts (well, more so than normal). I didn't want to be the "Debbie Downer" of the blogging world, and I didn't want to fake happiness when I wasn't feeling it. Look for another "resolutions" post coming soon!